Who Should Help Her Son?
Occasionally, I get that call that just stops me from being able to think. My mind just gets all twisted and I am not sure what to say to this confused person on the other end of the phone line.
A mother called today about her 34 year old son. He has been having problems since he was 16 years old. Now he is having BIG problems with drugs, just had surgery, has no job, lost his wife, cannot work, and all he does is shoot up heroin. She has spent a lot of money paying his rent, bills, insurance, etc. only to find out that the money has been going to drugs. She is, understandably and justifiably, sick of it, sick of him and does not want to do anything more to help him.
Her point of view is she has done enough and that he should now step up to the plate and do something to help himself. He should pay for his own drug rehab program, he should make the calls, he should get all the insurance information and get himself to treatment.
I have been working in drug rehab for ten years and have dealt with 100s of families. I have heard and seen a lot. The chance of her son doing all that , or even any of that, is about zero. The basic reason he is in this situation is that he has no life skills, no idea of responsibility and no idea of how to survive. It is not realistic to expect that he would now, by some miracle, get himself together and do something that dramatic.
If she does not now do all she can to help him get to treatment, he will be on his own and could very likely die. And maybe some would say he deserves it. It’s not her fault. She already helped him enough. OK, maybe. But that is not going to save him right now and in the end, a funeral will cost about $15,000 — or more if the family will want more than just the bare minimum.
His only hope right now is his family and her help. If she refuses to help him no one will pick up where she left off and save him. There just are not enough resources in our country to do that.
It does take courage to help people. The disappointments and heartbreaks are definitely a potential. But the rewards far out-weigh the hardships and I pray that this mother will have a change of heart and help her son to freedom from the slavery of addiction.
© 2010, Sigal Adini. All rights reserved.
What a situation! Thank you for what you do, Sigal.
The sad part of this is that they (mother and son) probably both tried to get effective help and failed along the line, so that the idea of help seems impossible. That’s the really amazing thing about the Narconon program. It delivers where so many others have failed. It’s just getting the person to see that help is possible that seems to be the big barrier.
Hi Sigal,
Long time no see. I had no idea you were writing a blog until I saw you on LinkedIn.com.
You write extremely well and are obviously passionate and in the know about the subject. Thank you for doing what you do and keep up the great work!
ml,
Alan
What a situation! I hope that mother decides to step back in and help him in to rehab.
You are right about your assessment that it’s highly unlikely he will suddenly turn around and save himself.
The thing she’s not thinking with perhaps is the on-going destruction to herself and her family and his estranged wife and family if she doesn’t get him to rehab. The drugs are taking it’s toll on him and his family, but his death will take a FAR larger one. There are so many ramifications beyond the funeral. She would most likely never forgive herself for not continuing to do ALL she can do to get him to rehab and get him some REAL help, such as the Narconon programme.
Having lost a brother myself (not to drugs) I have seen first hand the ripples of loss and devastation that continue on long after the person’s passing; and to not do ALL you can to effectively help them would leave a whole other level of destruction deep within each member of the family unit and friends. Many families do not survive as a cohesive whole after such a loss.
So she in fact would not just be helping HIM to get him to rehab, but the whole family unit.
I truly hope she calls back and/or changes her mind.
Well done for all you do in the drug rehabilitation and prevention field – you are saving lives – and that means the world!
I am a mother who has two addicted children. They are 19 and 21 and still live with me. I have pleaded and begged my sons to seek treatment, but it hasn’t helped . I’ve gotten mad, cried, lectured and still no change in their behavior. How do you force someone to get help when they refuse? How can I put my family back together? I am so tired, I have been told that there isn’t anything I can do unless they want help and I am completely at a loss here. They are in denial and I am growing weary. I need help getting my sons to “see the light”. They say they will go for treatment and have even made the call to go get help, but back out at the last minute. Their drug use has completely torn our family apart. I have two other children and there is alot of fighting and anger and tears in our home these days. Every day is a struggle for me. Financially, emtionally, and physically… I am exhausted! I am searching for the answers, I am hanging on by a thread, I feel so alone and so afraid. I don’t know where it all went wrong and what I did or didn’t do.
Dear Melissa,
Thank you so very much for your comment. I really understand and if you want to call me I can coach you on the phone. My direct line is 888-800-8331.
In the meantime, please read Enabling and Sympathizing — A Parent Trap and When Should You Do a Professional Intervention?
Let me know if that helps.
My best,
Sigal Adini