Blaming drugs for the drug addiction epidemic we have today will never resolve this problem.
The reason that outpatient rehabs and short 30-day programs don’t work for the majority of drug addicts, and the reason that many programs tell you that “relapse is a part of recovery” is because these types of drug rehab programs only target the drug and the action of taking drugs but don’t address the real reason the person is taking the drug in the first place.
What are common reasons that people start taking drugs and alcohol?
To relax.
To take a break from reality.
To have a good time.
To relieve mental or physical pain.
To relieve anxiety.
To help them get through the day.
To suppress painful memories.
To help them cope.
And many many other such reasons.
So what do all these reasons have in common? The addict’s inability to comfortably face the present, the past and/or the future.
What is shyness? It is simply an inability to comfortably be in same space as another person and communicate.
Why do people need to relax? What causes stress? Basically stress is the result of an inability to comfortably face the problems of the day and handle them.
Painful emotions and painful memories are only painful to the degree they are hard to face.
A person starts out taking a drug for one or more of the reasons listed above. When the drug “works” to relieve the mental or physical stress it becomes a “solution”. This solution is then used anytime the user is confronted with issues he cannot face.
Drugs are just a trick the addict employs to help him get around actually dealing with issues. But there is a payback: the issues are all still there – and getting worse by the day; not to mention new problems resulting from the drug use that are also dealt with in the same way – more drugs.
A true drug rehab program would fully address the addict’s inability to face his past, the present and his future. And until the addict can regain this ability, he will continue to find himself involved in “unsolvable” problems, through no fault of his own (he perceives), which pull him deeper and deeper into depression and drug use.
Often I get asked, what about a brain chemical imbalance? What about medications to help the addict cope? First, let’s be clear on the point that a brain chemical imbalance cannot be tested for and therefore cannot be verified. Two: since we cannot prove a brain chemical imbalance we also cannot prove a link between certain behaviors with this “brain abnormality”. And lastly, a drug is a drug no matter if it is prescribed or not. There is no drug that will fix what is really wrong with the a drug user – his inability to face the issues in his life.
Many drug addicts feel very strongly about their own ability to overcome their addiction. When you talk to them about rehab they reject the idea on the basis of, “I can do it on my own.” Even parents sometimes feel that their son or daughter should be able to just stop doing drugs on their own and get their life back together.
This is a very valid point. It is absolutely true that the individual is the only one that can overcome their addiction: no program, parent or counselor can overcome it for him.
The function of a real drug rehab program is to help the individual with maps, a compass and a couple of road signs, not unlike a school; the addict then has to walk the path out of the labyrinth. A counselor’s job is not to tell the addict what to think about his situation or what he must do but to provide him with information, show him what he can do and allow the addict to make up his own mind on whether he is going to do it or not. If done correctly, by gradually showing him bits of information and then allowing him to see if it works for him, he will stand up and walk on his own. And ultimately, that is exactly what you want as a parent or counselor: a person who can be in control of their own life.
The reason the addict found himself in the situation he is in is because of something he did not know – it was not his plan to ruin himself and his family; all he wanted to do was fix a problem and drugs seemed like a good solution. Now he is trapped, his body and mind are held hostage by a chemical and unless he recovers his ability to observe and decide for himself he will continue to walk around in circles.
Sometimes the word “help” is equated with control. Help equals control. If you help me you will be controlling me. In that way, it totally makes sense that the addict does not want to be “helped”. He does not want to be controlled; he rightfully wants to make up his own mind and solve his own problems.
And he absolutely can!
No matter how messy and horrible the addict’s life has become, it is a rare parent that does not still believe that their addicted son or daughter is special, smart and capable. And just about any parent would immediately and wholeheartedly agree that their son or daughter, the addict, has very low self-esteem.
Self-esteem is something that comes from the inside. There is no amount of cheerleading or pep talks that could, over the long run, withstand the self-criticism that drug users bring down upon themselves. Appreciation of self could only be stable and valid to the addict if it is known and observed by self.
The restoration of the self-appreciation is a critical component of any drug rehabilitation. It is our task as counselors to help the addict demonstrate competence and then recognize for himself that he accomplished something worth doing thereby increasing his ability to appreciate himself.
But before this can be successfully achieved there are a few preliminary steps that must be completed.
1. Restore the addict’s ability to observe. In order to be able to function well, one must be able to observe their environment and react appropriately. Drugs reduce a person’s ability to face reality and therefore the addict cannot clearly observe what is in front of him. This condition slows down the person’s reaction time and sets the stage for poor mental and physical performance which then leads to mistakes; some of which can be fatal.
2. Teach the addict how to study and learn. Unfortunately our education system does not teach this skill. Students are expected to just know how to study and when they don’t learn as expected they are labeled and in some cases drugged. The ability to learn is critical in the accomplishment of our ultimate goal – restoration of self-appreciation and confidence.
3. Restore the addict’s ability to persist and follow through. Learning is just the first part of increasing your ability to do something. Now comes the practical aspect of study – practice. There are ups and downs when you practice something new. Practice takes time and persistence. The ability to persist in spite of barriers is vital if one is going to accomplish anything worth doing.
By helping the drug user to see for themselves that they can learn, persist and accomplish what they set out to do, you are well on your way to establishing that appreciation of self-worth the addict needs to stay sober.
At some point along his life the drug addict lost his most valuable possession; that one thing he cannot live without: his self-respect.
The addict’s self-respect, his ability to love and trust himself has diminished to such a degree that he is now doing things he swore to himself he would NEVER do: shooting up with needles, stealing from family and friends, selling drugs, selling sex, and so on.
In order to fully rehabilitate a drug user, you must also rehabilitate his self-respect. To rehabilitate means bringing back to a former condition or make something new again. The drug addict did not always fear himself; at one time he trusted himself to be a good person and to do the right thing for himself, his family, his friends and for mankind in general. He had goals: be a veterinarian and save the lives of animals; or be a fireman and bring people to safety; be an artist and make beautiful things for people to admire; and so on.
So what happened to that clean bright individual? Where did he go wrong? And how can he find his way back?
Somewhere along the line between the time he had self-respect and before he started taking drugs, the addict did something he was not proud of; he did something he thought was wrong. Likely it wouldn’t have seemed so wrong to you or me, but to him it was wrong. And it might not have been something really horrible but in his mind it was bad enough and a bit of his self-respect was gone. After that, doing things that were against his own moral code and against the moral code of his family or group, got easier and easier. One transgression led to the next and here you are with a son or daughter that can no longer do the right thing no matter how much you tell them to or how much they try.
The road out of addiction must include the restoration of the person’s ability to respect and love themselves. It is their certainty in their ability to do the right thing and their knowledge that they can be trusted by their family and friends, that will keep them sober.
What is our mind made of? Where is it? Do drugs change how we think just when we are using drugs or is there permanent damage?
Knowing how the mind works and how drugs can change who we are and how we think can help us understand addiction.