Looking For Love?

What is the best way to look for love in the digital age?

The answer really isn’t easy with all the different websites promoting:  love, happiness, endless sex, hook-ups and everything in between.

I can tell you from personal experience that people (both men and women) are very particular when it comes to their definition of L-O-V-E. I, for example, would love to find someone to be with the rest of my life and have had no luck yet. I have tried every website (whether free or paid, been there done that and driven several hundred miles to find out that I was lied to…you have to love the utter anonymity of the internet), bar (even though I don’t drink anymore…details later), bowling alley, animal shelter, library and the list goes on and on. I am not picky when it comes to finding someone as far as looks or color but, I guess, that it’s asking too much for someone to be honest, not a cheater and disease free. I have no courage when talking to women due to my being sober for over eight (8) years. Chatting with them, sure, no problem but, asking them out puts my anxiety into over drive and I end up leaving to vomit or cry in a corner. It’s also not helpful that my past relationships have been terrible (I’ve been beaten, cheated on, belittled in public and once had a girl cut me…literally) but, even with the B. S., I tried to always make it work because I JUST. WANTED. TO. BE. IN. LOVE. Now, when I even think about women and dating, I get nauseous, anxious and just flat out terrified!

I think the #metoo movement, though needed, really makes it harder for me as I’m awkward talking to women anyway so, now, I have even less knowledge of what to say without fear of enraging some women.

I think I need to explain the sobriety thing here to give those of you an understanding of what I mean by MY sobriety. I’ve never done illegal drugs. I’ve smoked weed a couple times and got sick from it every time but, MY thing was drinking!  All the time, I was pretty much drunk 24/7 would pass out drunk and wake up to start drinking before getting out of bed. However, without anyone’s help, my last drink was gone on June 23, 2010. I know, it kind of seems like I’m bragging and I kind of am. When you’ve done what I’ve done and survived the many ups and downs that I have, you’d understand the bragging..possibly.

Now, back to the thought of being single. I was married briefly to a woman that I loved with all my heart and never really felt that love reciprocated but, I tried and tried to make it last but, it just wasn’t meant to be. It’s not that I don’t still love her, it’s just not the same as it was before. I would still do many things for her and HAVE but, I wouldn’t even think about getting back together with her. Yes, she and I have a child together but, that’s neither here nor there. I’ve never dated someone I didn’t love but, as in all my relationships, that love was never reciprocated in a way that made me feel satisfied or like I was loved in the same way. Love is a great thing that very few experience (or even try to) but everyone deserves to love and be loved. Not used, cursed at, spit on, belittled, cheated on or stabbed/shot. I can always find something about a woman that I love or notice that many others don’t or can’t.


Later, I’ll get to my feelings about the #metoo movement…..

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